#1 Secret of the Parenting Universe Revealed (Hint: Media, Teen Sex, THE Talk)

"(CNN) -- Sexual content on television is strongly associated with teen pregnancy, a new study from the RAND Corporation shows. Researchers at the nonprofit organization found that adolescents with a high level of exposure to television shows with sexual content are twice as likely to get pregnant or impregnate someone as those who saw fewer programs of this kind over a period of three years." (Source, "Study links sexual content on TV to teen pregnancy," by Elizabeth Landau.)

"A strong association between sexual content on television and teen pregnancy is not surprising, said Dr. Yolanda Wimberly, an assistant professor of clinical pediatrics at the Morehouse School of Medicine and the medical director for the Center for Excellence in Sexual Health." Well, I'm the medical director for Common Sense and I am sayin'--Ya think???

This is the second article in a row I've blogged about recently that suffer from "stating the obvious-itis." (See the other #2 Secret of the Parenting Universe )

I mean seriously, how many people would say "No way--I think kids can watch all kinds of sex and stuff on TV and/ or porn and WON'T want to try it (and risk pregnancy as a result)!" Thankfully, most parents are smart enough not to say it. Hey, gold stars for that!

Actions send a different message. If parents believe that sex saturated media is NOT okay for their kids, and yet do nothing to guard their kids from it, or to help them process what's coming in, they get a big fat, red "unsatisfactory effort" for their actions and tacitly send the message to kids that it IS okay.

What I am hearing and overhearing via the teen "grapevine" leads me to conclude that MANY teenage boys in particular, are what "porn-addled." This may not be a big deal to some who claim "it's just natural curiosity" and ("boys will be boys, haw, haw"). But to us parents who care, especially dads of teen daughters, we gotta say--there are a bunch of knuckleheaded, horn-dog boys lurking out there. (With ALL due respect.)

Far too many of our young men are...

* emotionally under-developed (intolerant of delayed gratification),

* mentally weak (lack sense of responsibility, have not been significantly challenged),

* sexually overcharged due to the sight and sound of media sex coming at them from every direction. Most have no one helping them sort this all out.

Very few teens (especially boys) have a parent or authority figure in their life who has made it a priority in their life to guide the teen--to coach them on how to respond, react to or "process" all this "media sex" in a healthy way.

Think about it. Just about EVERY popular song, movie, product, or internet video marketed and targeted to teens cheerleads them on to be sexual "beasts," rather than sexual beings who are people of character (thanks Axe cologne and all you others).

I know the cry of the day in our society is no limits and no censorship of any kind. Sounds good...just doesn't "live" good--especially as it involves kids. The same society that unleashes pornography on these boys, gawks in wonder at why so many boys have a "predatorial" versus a "protective" mindset towards girls. The desire to control, to "score," to conquer prevails, while the ability to love and respect is pitifully scarce.

We're producing perpetual boys--muscled and six-pack abs though they may have--not manly men.

Sex insanity in our society has the microphone and is blasting at the kids from "booty" rap ("grind that b******" and "tap' that ho'"), to MTV Spring break specials, nasty music videos with scantily clad women pouring themselves onto stone-cold stoic artists, to porn on the Internet. While all this rages, too-busy parents, are too often...SILENT .

One way to always reach your goals is to set them VERY low. Some parents excel at low goals for their kids. They have given up on a purity goal for their kids. They conclude it's not possible...but then they make a BIG mistake--they don't even try ANYTHING, no limits, no talks, nothing.

I've soap-boxed long enough. Here are some things ALL us parents must do...(as tired and over-busy as we all are):

1) Watch shows with your teens (not porn :) that show the progressions of a "relationship"--you know, what passes for relationship in modern media--the first date/ know each other ten minutes and you jump in the sack together. Talk about the characters, elements of a real relationship, the choices, the consequences, the nature of real love, respect, sex,
etc.

2) Have open conversations with your children about sex
--from a young age. Boy, my parents sure creeped me out with those conversations when I was young--I mean, who wants to think of their parents as sexual? Gross! But looking back...their words were ringing in my head when I faced tough choices. Is your voice ringing in your kid's head--or is there only SILENCE?

3) GUARD your children. Insist on rules for Internet and phone use. Have guidelines for acceptable movies and those that aren't. Know their friend and parents of friends...before placing your child under that parent's "supervision".

It's time for our voices to be heard. Every day we stay silent...our children grow a day older...and we miss an opportunity...and the days go by. Only when we speak up and speak into our children's lives do we help them grow up.

Here is a great software, I highly recommend for monitoring your child's internet use (and believe me I've tried MANY): Spector Pro 6.0

For discussing sex with children: The Talk: What Your Kids Need to Hear from You About Sex

For discussing sex with teens: What Smart Teenagers Know...About Dating, Relationships & Sex
Christian resource for helping shape your child or teen's sexual character: How And When to Tell Your Kids About Sex: A Lifelong Approach to Shaping Your Child's Sexual Character (God's Design for Sex (Unnumbered))

Share your sex-talk tips with other parents here: #1 Parenting Forums

See the original story here: Study links sexual content on TV to teen pregnancy

For related topics, see these posts:

teen sex
teen nudity, internet

Dad Beats Naked Boy Found in His Daughter's Room: Families in the News, Part 4

"DELTONA, Fla.--An angry Deltona father whacked his teenage daughter's boyfriend with a metal pipe after finding the boy naked in his daughter's room."

It kinda' went like this...

--Dad hears sounds coming from daughter's room around 3-4 in the AM.

--Dad proceeds to arm himself with a pipe.
--Dad proceeds to daughter's room and opens door.

--In the dark, father sees a naked "man" standing on his daughter's bed.

--Dad proceeds to beat the "man" about the head with aforementioned pipe.

--Turns out "man" was his daughter's boyfriend who had been let in through a window by the daughter so they could have consensual sex. I believe both teens were 15-years-old.

--The father did not even know his daughter HAD a boyfriend. (Doh!??)

--The girl had been going out with the boy for 16 months. (Double Doh! !!??)

--Dad is arrested.

(I believe now charges against the father have been dropped.)

I asked my fellow bloggers in blogcatalog what they thought of this dad's actions and if he was in the right. Boy, did I get an earful! The question got a whopping 222 responses over three days--the hottest discussion topic on blogcatalog for 2 days!! (only discussion bigger was: "What do you do to get people...ANYBODY to read your blog?").

Folks were divided about 50-50 (maybe a slight lean to the teen):

The pro-dad...

"....yeah he had a right to do what he did. He (boy) shouldn't of been in her house without his knowledge so he should of been seen as someone who broke into his house....Back in the day if I got caught in a girlfriends house naked I would of gotten my a** beat just for the fact. Now imagine if the father thought I was attempting to rape his daughter, I would of had a gun aimed at my head or a knife at my ______"

And the pro-teen:

"She had sex with her boyfriend, like many of us did when we were teenagers, like many people have since the beginning of freaking time.The father could have behaved like a rational adult rather than a raving lunatic. He needs to pay for what he did, he over reacted in a horrendous way and deserves jail time."

And as one might expect, a few strayed far away from topic...

"I'm hungry, who's cooking???"

So where do you weigh in on this, parents?

Was this dad right in what he did?

What are some OTHER issues that need attention here?

Make your opinions known by leaving a comment below!

Join parents just like you to compare notes on all things parenting, at http://www.parentconsensus.com/

Make sure you know your teen's life with quality discussions using the book, 101 Movie Clips That Get Families Talking. Find it here: http://www.parentconsensus.com/index.php?p=Store

For a sparsely detailed article on this, see: http://www.wesh.com/news/17459795/detail.html